The Contrarian- My Friends all call me a Contrarian. It’s not that I like to argue, its just that everyone else is wrong. Check in on this recurring column to find out what I will disagree on but be right about next.
Is it just me, or are popular restaurant lines starting to look like the DMV? Regardless of where you live, I’m sure you’ve noticed certain breakfast joints, restaurants, and cupcake shops, with a line full of nonsensical people wrapping all the way around the freakin’ block. Now, there are a few things in life I will happily stand in line for: a bathroom, awesome concert, or the airport to fly home and see my family. But let me break it to you people..Food is not that damn good, or scarce for that matter! Our taste buds are frankly not that accurate to decipher the difference between really good “accessible” food and that that is worth waiting an hour in line for. And yes, of course, the food tasted amazing, but you virtually induced a hunger strike just to get a seat at the restaurant. Furthermore, I have to think most people really can’t stand waiting in line while hungry, so is the strategy to actually get in line before you even get hungry? That’s some bullshit.
Sure, great restaurants are tantalizing, scrumptious, and a way to bring together friends and family. But lets not forget the real purpose of eating is to STAY ALIVE. Staying alive means buying yourself more time on this earth, presumably time for you to do things that are actually worthwhile! It’s about as asinine as standing in line for a lifetime just for a sip from the fountain of youth. There is something completely double ass backward when a breakfast joint has longer lines then the community soup kitchen.
The worst part about this alarming reality is that it’s a complete hoax. Some restaurateur gave a bunch of his Yelp! buddies a free meal to write exaggerated reviews, took out half the tables inside the eatery, ripped down the sign out front, told his staff to dress like a bunch of un-bathed hipsters, and threw a confusing-ass-5-item- menu on a clipboard, where the only damn thing you can actually decode is where the vegetables were picked. When you finally go to pay the ginormous bill with your card, they tell you its cash only, and of course they conveniently have a ATM in the back that charges you a mere 6 dollars just to check your account balance.
Let The Contrarian give you some advice: Get your ass out of line, go grab some food, and move the fuck on with your life.