The Contrarian- My Friends all call me a Contrarian. It’s not that I like to argue, its just that everyone else is wrong. Check in on this recurring column to find out what I will disagree on but be right about next.
At the same time INSTAGRAM is taking over the world, it is also exposing a whole new level of vanity and unnecessary social media behavior. So I’ve come up with a short list of sh*t we would all like you to stop posting on Instrgram. Follow @mixologi and we promise you will never see any of the following…..
Photos of yourself: If you don’t have any friends to take photos of you or with you, than you probably have bigger issues than trying to figure out what to post on Instagram. I don’t want to see your arm in the photo as you turn the camera towards your face, and I don’t wanna see pictures of you in the f*cking gym either – workout and go home. Please spare me the photos of you laying in bed or when you wake up in the morning. And since when did it become acceptable to take photos in the BATHROOM? There is absolutely nothing worse than taking a photo of yourself in a bathroom, with your dirty a$$ mirror, horrible shower curtain in the back, your toiletries scattered all over the place, and you sucking in your stomach doing the duck face.
Food: What’s the best way to put this? I really don’t give a f*ck about what you are about to eat, honestly I don’t. If you would like to come to my house and show me a plate of food I can actually eat, I just might care. Otherwise, I don’t care if your grandma just made some soul food, or if you are at some fancy Japanese restaurant, or you just made some eggs and bacon for breakfast. I live in the first world and eat at least 3 times a day, so there is nothing noteworthy about you enacting in the most basic form of human survival. Whats next? you drinking water and breathing AIR? So unless all of your followers are famished kids in Guatemala with bloated stomachs and iPhones who you are looking to show off to, it doesn’t serve much purpose.
Screen Shots of Texts From Your stupid ass friends: I hate to break it to you, I really do, but as The Contrarian, I feel as if it is my duty to clearly communicate the reality that, you and your silly ass friends are not that funny, or cute. Not only do I have ZERO context as to what the hell y’all are texting about, but if I did, it would probably make it even less funny than I already think it is to begin with. And why do you find it necessary to leave a comment about how much you “love” your friends, and how “crazy” they are. That’s great, congratulations, I’m glad you like your friends….I don’t. *unfollow* Can I keep scrolling down on my photo feed now please?
iPhone Notepad: This is not Twitter. Twitter is Twiiter. Don’t do that. The iPhone note pad is designed for you to take notes for YOUSELF. And actually, if you utilized this app to actually take notes and leave yourself reminders like to pay your bills, take care of your kids, be successful, work hard, and not to just write dumb ass fake motivational passive aggressive statements to your other loser followers, you might be better off.