“The Contrarian“- My Friends all call me a Contrarian. It’s not that I like to argue, its just that everyone else is wrong. Check in on this weekly column to find out what I will disagree on but be right about next.
1. Track Bibs:
Do you see this huge piece of paper safety pinned on Allyson Felix’s chest? Of course you do! And not only does it cover up her COUNTRY, but its probably the most clunky non-aerodynamic outdated piece of equipment since the printing press. We spend millions of dollars on track and field clothing technology, to the point where runners are basically naked, and you are making the best athletics in the world freaking SAFEY PIN pieces of paper to their back and chest. Its basically like wearing a parachute. Whats going on here? Are the safety pin lobbyists really that powerful? Would a sticker not work? Maybe just build in their number to the jersey. Come up with something please, this is embarrassing.
The announcing in the Olympics was simply horrific. Regardless of the sport, the announcer was overly enthusiastic, annoying, and thought way to highly of their sport. I can’t tell you how many times I would hear them try and qualify some irrelevant BMX rider as one of the “best athletes in the world.” Many of these sports are otherwise irrelevant, so the announcers try and use this Olympic opportunity to exaggerate the qualities and complexities of the sport. I get it, you have a hard on for cycling, but I don’t wanna hear you sound like you are about to explode on the microphone every time the American rider down shifts and reaches for some Gatorade. Cynthia Potter, the Diving color commentator was the worst. She sounds like Nancy Grace on her period.
3. Sports Decided by Arbitrary Judges:
My friend Brady said it best, “Anytime you have to smile in order to get a good score, its probably isn’t a real sport.” Some of these sports just need to go. Lets start with diving and synchronized swimming. As a lifetime sports fan, if I can’t tell the difference between the worst diver and best without a “splash meter”, the sport has to go. Please don’t tell me you would ever care about diving unless your country was competing, or you child was jumping off that plank. And what the hell is up with those synchronized swimming women, those chicks need to be arrested; they look like MAC Makeup circus serial killers. Simply put, they should not be taking home the same gold medals as Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt.
4. Sob Stories.
I know I know, your next door neighbors pet hamster got caught in the garbage disposal weeks before the games, and you want to dedicate this performance to the Garbage Disposal Safety Foundation of Omaha. I get it, and truly some of these stories are heartfelt, but lets not act like this particular athlete wanted it or deserved it more then the next. Trust me, the guy who came in last place probably worked just as hard, and has been through just as much hardship as anyone.
5. Opportunistic Advertising.
Come on Untied Airlines, you want us to fly United because you supposedly have been safely flying Olympic athletes for over 30 years. We could care less, when we buy flights, we look for two things only: TV’s in the head rest, and the cheapest flights available. Every commercial break, its product after product trying to draw some stretch of a comparison between their product and the Olympic games.
I could go on for days, but would love to hear in the comments below what you all hated about watching the Summer Olympics. CHIME IN!